Your bad habit may be drying up soon. In a major blow to America’s favorite pastime, multiple states have recently enacted new laws requiring internet users to verify their identities before accessing adult sites, including Pornhub and other popular pornography libraries.
This requires uploading your government identification in order to get into the site. If you’re not willing to do that, then tough luck—you can beat it. This comes as a shocker in a country where you don’t even need an ID to pull the lever at the ballot box. But apparently, verification standards need to be much higher in your own home.
See, I’ve never been on one of these sites before, but a good friend of mine told me that when he recently tried to log on to Pornhub, he was startled to find a boring video message from adult star Cherie DeVille, who remained clothed the whole time! No one has been able to get through the whole clip, but apparently, she states, “As you may know, your elected officials in your state are requiring us to verify your age before allowing you access to our website.”
Learn the benefits of becoming a Valuetainment Member and subscribe today!
DeVille goes on to say, “While safety and compliance are at the forefront of our mission, giving your ID every time you visit an adult platform is not the most effective solution. Until a real one is offered, we’ve made the difficult decision to completely disable access to our website in your state.”
So far, Utah, Arkansas, Mississippi, Virginia, North Carolina, and Montana are cranking down on those who may want to log in after a long drive. Some road warriors are even threatening to avoid visits to these states until they can get this new law rubbed out.
And let’s be honest…there isn’t exactly a whole lot else to do in a place like Montana.
Texans have been tugged in all directions after their state became the first to introduce the new law, only for the legislation to get railed by a Federal court a short time later. According to the court, the ID requirements violated the First Amendment, and the judges also took issue with requiring those potentially interested in queer content to identify themselves.
But the anti-porn advocates in Texas didn’t just lay there and take it; the Fifth Circuit Court of Texas pulled out the big guns and blasted back, allowing the law to go into effect.
Related: Porn Wars Continue as Pornhub Pulls out of Virginia
The stated goal of bills like this is to prevent underage internet users from accessing lewd content, but LGBT rights activists say this can create a very slippery slope and serve as a back-end way of banning all the gay and trans-affirming content sites like Pornhub have to offer.
There are also concerns about what porn companies—which are hardly known for being morally upstanding—will do with personal information once they get an ID. Imagine receiving a Spotify Wrapped-like report every year detailing your X-rated exploits while your picture, address, and date of birth are sold off to the highest bidder online.
It would just be awful if Pornhub started making money by exploiting people…
Many of the age-verification bills feature alarmist language, claiming that porn constitutes a “public health crisis,” “contributes to emotional and medical illnesses,” and “shapes deviant sexual arousal.” Or as others call it, “Having a great time.”
Do you find these new laws wacky, do you think they just plain suck, or is this much-needed relief from deviance? As the battle continues, only time will tell who ends up on top.
Kevan “K-von” Moezzi creates hilarious content for Valuetainment Comedy and is the host of The Right Show. He also tours the nation as a standup comedian. Follow K-von on X (Twitter).
Add comment