Are women happier if they have kids or are women happier without them?

Chelsea Handler made a video a couple weeks ago going after Adam Sosnick because Adam commented on her decision to not have children.

Is Chelsea’s claim that opting out from having kids makes for a happier quality of life, correct? Let’s look at some statistics.

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Society is going to sell you many different ideas — ideas on whether you should get married, travel the world, be promiscuous, be rich, stay poor, etc. Everyone’s selling you their philosophies. God forbid you buy the wrong one. You could lose a decade or two of your life. That’s simply what it is.

Let’s look at some data:

FIRST ARGUMENT: TO HAVE OR NOT TO HAVE KIDS?

Let’s see the argument to NOT have kids:

  • According to Huffpost, you like to sleep, your freedom, your personal space. You hate the smell of vomit and poop, or the idea of wiping another person’s snot off their face.
  • According to WeHaveKids.com, kids are messy, you’ll be sleep deprived, it’s mentally tiring, everyone takes longer and when a kid is involved, it’s hard to travel with them.

Let’s see the pros of having kids:

  • Kids get to carry on your family name and values, you give and receive unconditional love, they give you meaning to life, you get to create and mold life, and you get to fix your parents.
  • According to WeHaveKids.com, children make us happier, you avoid dying alone, children give us hope, they help us believe in something bigger and force you to become a better version of yourself. Your baby may be the one who saves the world.

Here’s something very interesting — according to an article by writer Sophie Wingate, for the first time ever, figures show that women born in 1990 were the first cohort ever where half of them were not mothers by their 30th birthday.

Here was my tweeted response to Chelsea Handler:

Maybe people ARE happier when they do not have kids — let’s see what we may be missing according to a chart shared by the Institute of Family Studies:

  • Women who are married with children – 30% say they are very happy (18-34); 28% (35-54); 25% (55+)
  • Women who are married and childless – 33% say they are very happy (18-34); 24% (35-54); 14% (55+)
  • Women who are unmarried with children – 12% say they are very happy (18-34); 11% (35-54); 11% (55+)
  • Women who are unmarried and childless – 7% say they are very happy (18-34); 12% (35-54); 10% (55+)

Life changes. You change. I change. We all change. According to the National Library of Medicine, their data shows that women with children were significantly less likely to have depressive symptoms. What causes anxiety? Anxiety is caused by the stresses of the future. Depression is caused by us being stressed out about the past and the decisions we made. Maybe one of the things that causes depression is to sit there and say, “man, I wish I had a kid. I made a big mistake.”

SECOND ARGUMENT: WOMEN ARE MORE EDUCATED TODAY – THEREFORE “DO NOT NEED A MAN”

Women are now competing in the workforce alongside men and are thinking they may no longer need a man. ‘I can make the money. I don’t need your money. I can do it myself. Why do I need to have a husband in the first place?’

When it comes to income, men still have a big lead when they are advanced in age but when it comes to younger aged men and women, they are close to equal.

The U.S. National Survey of Families and households determined that those who report being happy in their marriages declined when women earned more than their husband. That was said to increase the risk of divorce by 50%. When a woman makes more money than a man, there’s a 50% higher chance of divorce.

Men are wired to provide and find their purpose in taking care of their woman.

NOW, TO TAKE A TURN, WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND PEOPLE’S PAIN TO UNDERSTAND THEM

According to a memo Chelsea wrote, when she was a nine-year-old kid, her favorite person in her life was her brother, who was 23. He went on a hiking trip and his last words were, “I will be back and can’t wait to see you.” He goes on this hiking trip and never comes back. He falls hiking and he dies.

This guy was her hero, pretty much her favorite person in the world, father figure, and her first boy “friend.” Imagine the dynamics of that relationship. She says, “I may be a successful comedian — I just felt broken and didn’t know how to deal with these feelings for years.”

Chelsea notes emotionally that his death changed the way she saw relationships because she felt betrayed by her brother’s last words. Now let’s look at what happens here with her and her father.

She has spoken at length about growing up in a household where there were many unknown variables. She notes, “I didn’t like seeing my father weak. I’d already lost my brother. I couldn’t lose my dad too. And I did. My dad never recovered.”

You can imagine the fear, right? Let me bring this back to the most important decision you can make in your life. Having kids. I have four kids.

My wife — when she was pregnant with our third child, she said she wanted it to be our last baby. I want 10 kids. I want a lot of kids. I love kids. Years later, she says “babe, I don’t know why I want another kid.”

We end up with twins! Twelve weeks later, one of them doesn’t make it — a baby boy. Our girl makes it through, but we did not know which child survived until the day Brooklyn was born.

Brooklyn is the life of the party. She’s amazing. I can’t imagine my life not having ever met Brooklyn. Imagine you never meeting your favorite person in the world. What’s life like if you don’t meet that person? I can’t imagine that.

Yes, there’s so many different factors where you can make the case for not having kids. Kids force you to become a better leader. They push you in ways you do not even know.

I’m not expecting God to make life easy on me. I’m expecting Him to make it harder for me. But I hope you get the message from my heart when I hear something like this.

Hopefully this got you thinking.

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